ANTI MODELS are better than ROLE MODELS 🕺🏽

We live in an inter connected world where most achievements are available for public display i.e. in conversations, appearances or social media posts. And when these achievements/victories are looked upon as a very solid measure of Success in Life , it is but natural to get into mode of reaching for the stars just like this cousin/ friend / senior colleague / school mate of yours. It becomes a race to live upto your own potential and shine as bright as possible. It becomes an endeavour to step into the shoes of YOUR ROLE MODEL in life and go all guns blazing to repeat the success tory !!

“…But a role model in the flesh provides more than inspiration; his or her very existence is confirmation of possibilities one may have every reason to doubt, saying, ‘Yes, someone like me can do this.” — Sonia Sotomayor

Nothing wrong with it EXCEPT , you don’t know a thing about what got this person there except for few observations/moments that made you look upto him in the first place. But are you aware of foll #

What is his guiding philosophy? What are his daily habits ?What does he read ? What’s been his process for strengthening the relationships in his circle of influence ? What are his GO TO steps for gaining mastery over the skills he is so good at ? What are the routines he guards obsessively ? How does he deal with his weaknesses? Does he have a mentor to guide him ?

Reading a book on successful people, watching movies based on them, hearing their interviews will give you only a peripheral view of the subject of your admiration. But unless you don’t apprentice under him, there is no way to exactly get to know a person that well . You will never be able to form your own personality/mindset upon this role model since you never had the full exposure eventually leading to envy or jealousy, passive or active and both are equally harmful, just doesn’t appear that way to the world. No Wonder Robert Greene speaks so highly about the role of right Apprenticeship in life and has eloquently put it forward in his masterpiece called MASTERY.

But this can be avoided and very easily and effortlessly. Just needs you to have a keen eye for observation of those who you NEVER want to land up like . Your whole life is strewn with relationships with people you don’t want to grow up into. Your friends, cousins, peers, seniors, classmates — most haven’t broken free of the challenges life has thrown at them and have given in or given up without a fight till the end. Access to these is easily available , their stories are just a conversation away, their habits and routines are there for you to see, their mistakes and regrets are carried by them begrudgingly for life and they will share these . These people are known as ANTI MODELS .

THIS INFORMATION IS EQUALLY POWERFUL to the ones you would get from your role models. WHY SO ? BECAUSE , you now know what choices could lead to what outcomes. You now know what habits could lead to disastrous consequences? You now know how carelessness could destroy your career? You now know what judgements can spoil relationships for good ? You now know what eating habits will screw up your health ?

I still remember my uncle coughing his life away after years of smoking habit. I will never forget the vivid sight of my uncle struggling to even sleep because his lungs would just not let him rest. I NEVER EVER WOULD WANT MY LUNGS TO WREAK HAVOC on my life. And hence my paranoia about what goes in my body. Many feel I am too rigid about my food or health choices, many find it funny that I am always carrying my food everywhere or munching on something nutritious, but what you may not realise is that my uncle’s image plays a very profound role in me choosing LONGEVITY over CONVENIENCE.

My uncle is my ANTI MODEL and has helped me , even after his death, to navigate away from life’s unnecessary perks dressed in overalls.

I have had a friend who never risked anything . Did not want to play sports with us because he feared he will get hurt, did not want to participate in competitions because he was sure he will lose, never turned up for any seminars or conventions we were exploring in early years since he thought its a waste of time. HE JUST WAS NEVER OPEN TO RISK, EXPLORE, LEARN. To an extent, that if he saw me from afar, he would take a u-turn and head in the other direction .

This friend has been stuck in many call centre jobs till date , with no enthusiasm to learn or unlearn, carrying his drinking and smoking habits that clearly shown on his youth dripping away with every year that goes by. HE IS MY ANTI MODEL for being rigid to change and forming judgements that nobody can change.

I have personally witnessed senior managers busy playing power games , buttering top management , conspiring with their favourite ones to sideline everyone else and creating unhealthy competition amongst us all . I will never forget one of these senior managers suffering at the hands of very people he was buttering up to. He has been my ANTI MODEL on HOW NOT TO lead !! HOW NOT TO get a team to work together !! HOW NOT TO inspire and guide !!!

Same way, I have ANTI MODELS that have played phenomenal roles in destroying their wealth, careers, relationships, health, peace of mind and I can exactly see the consequence of that on their lives. Their stories are oft repeated in our family gatherings, cafe conversations with friends or have been witnessed personally. I AIN’T LETTING THIS REPEAT IN MY LIFE !!!

One just needs to sit down and ask yourself — WHAT ARE THEY DOING WRONG ? WHY ARE THEY REPEATEDLY DOING SO ? IS THE SAME BEING REPEATED BY ME ? DO I WANT TO BEAR THESE CONSEQUENCES TOO ? AM I DOING ANYTHING TO CORRECT MYSELF ? DO I HAVE SIMILAR MENTAL MODELS THAT MAKE ME ACT SUB OPTIMALLY ? And so many more fundamental questions to ask yourselves. As someone said — NOTHING IS AN ACCIDENT . Everything that happens is for you to learn from !!!

I want to thank all that have served me well through their failures, mistakes, regrets, pain. I have learn from my mistakes and failures too. I will carry these lessons for long time and hope to make something beautiful out of this gift of life showered upon me !!

“Make your lives a masterpiece, you only get one canvas.”